The Third Trimester
“Hello, Melanie. Welcome to your third trimester!”
“Oh, thanks! I’ve actually been looking forward to being with you! It means the baby is close now!”
“Oh yes. The baby is getting closer. In about 12 weeks, life as you know it will be completely different. Enjoy your last 12 weeks.”
“Um…OK. I know life will be different, but it will be great!”
“Mmm….yes. That is what all new mothers feel during the third trimester. Just wait until your running on 2 hours of sleep in 24 hours and you’ve just changed your tenth diaper for the day. And you haven’t showered for 36 hours because you simply don’t have the time or the energy.”
“Well, OK. I know I’ll be tired and taking care of a new born is a lot of work, but I’m ready for it. So, what should I expect these last few months?”
“Oh, you can expect a lot! Swelling in your legs, more rapid weight gain, interupted sleep, constantly feeling tired and you’ll be going to the bathroom a lot more.”
“Mmm…yes, well I’ve already started to experience some of those symptoms. And you know, I also don’t have much of an appetite. I mean, I get hungry, but then I get full really, really fast!”
“That’s right! Welcome to the world’s most perfect diet – a miraculously smaller stomach. And not because you’ve had lap band surgey, but because the baby’s bum is pushing up into your stomach, virtually cutting in half the amount of real estate your stomach takes up. Unfortunately, you’re really not suppose to be on a diet, so you really need to eat. Even when you don’t feel hungry, because baby needs it’s strength. And also, the baby is pushing up into your lungs so you can’t breathe as well, so watch those stairs.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed the breathing thing. It’s hard. And also, the past week I’ve felt ‘really’ pregnant. I feel like my stomach has doubled.”
“It has! The baby has doubled in size the past month. He’s about 2 1/2 pounds. And he still has about 6 more pounds to go!”
“Great…but, that’s good! It will mean that the baby is healthy and ready for delivery!”
“Ahhh…delivery. Man. You’re going to think the third trimester is a freakin’ breeze compared to labor and delivery!”
“Gee, thanks for the reminder.”
“Sure, anytime! It’s basically my job to remind you of how uncomfortable you feel for the next 12 weeks. “
“Well, you’re doing a good job so far. But, is there any chance you can ease up on the interrupted sleep? My hips and shoulders are killing me when I lay on my side…”
“Um, yeah. Not a chance. Not sleeping well is one of the hallmarks of the third trimester. You can’t take that away from me!”
“What about the swelling thing? I haven’t experienced that yet, but maybe you can just skip that part?
“We’ll see. August is coming up, and there is nothing like having legs that look like Tempur-Pedic foam in the middle of a heat wave.”
“Thanks… that sounds lovely.”
“Hey, I didn’t say I was lovely. All I can claim to be is the final part of pregnancy. I am what I am.”
“Thanks Third Trimester. I hope that the next few months we’ll be able to get along OK.”
“Oh, we will. We have to. You have no other choice but to get along with me. Or, at the very least, tolerate me.”
“Alright. Thanks. Well, I’m off to bed. I’m tired.”
“Sounds good! I’ll see you in a couple hours when I wake you up for no good reason at all, and then wake you up 30 minutes later to go to the bathroom.”
